Closure

I have been looking for you all over the net.  There was just this uncontrolled urge to see you.  I don't know the reason, but I just felt something needed some closure.  The more futile attempts I had, the more I longed for you.  I wanted, again, the feeling of your soft hands in mine, the soft touch of your loving embrace, your soulful eyes, and bring back the times we spent together.  I thought it only happens in the books or the movies or some lousy soap opera, but it was both funny and scary when I uttered your name during a rupture of an intimate moment with somebody.

Over the years, my longing for you did not wear off.  Until one day, I looked up again, and saw your name.  There was no way for me to confirm.  You had neither a photo, nor details of your profile in the net.  I saw that the last time you logged on was more than 6 months already, so there is a nil chance you might log in again.  Still, I tried my luck.  I wrote to your "friend" and gave my details hoping it will not fall on deaf ears.  Weeks passed by, and nada, but I was still hoping that your friend would relay the message.


One day, you surprised me with your call.  I must admit, my heart leaped a bit.  We stayed on the phone for so long. Then we became text buddies.  We exchanged messages and jokes that were private to us. I liked it that way, until we decided to have coffee.

I should tell you, I dressed up a little.  I put on my newest shirt, my expensive cologne, made sure my face wasn't oily, my breath was fresh (even if we will not kiss each other), practiced my smile infront of the mirror--yeah like when I was still courting you.  I wanted you to tell me that I still looked the same many years back, or even better.  You see, I have been going to the gym.  You did tell me, I looked better, and I looked sexier (But I was wishing you'd tell me I was hot!).   

But did I tell you I was more surprised to see you in your sexy tanks? Geez!  I appreciated how you took care of yourself after having your three kids. You still have those soulful eyes that captivated me even from the very beginning. I must say you were hot, and you still are!

During our conversation, we came to the point when we needed to ask:  "What happened to us, then?"

You told me I stopped writing you letters.  But I insisted you were the one who stopped writing letters and you dumped me for nothing at all.  We disagreed on that, and we even caught the attention of those in the next table.  Since the start of our relationship, we were both opinionated.  I did not argue anymore.  I knew in my heart, I was the one keeping the love alive, that you were the one who gave up on us.  But then that was past.  We could no longer bring it back--especially now that we both have our families.

Be that as it may, I was given the chance to tell you how lovelorn I was.  You said sorry.  I did, too. So as not to prolong the argument, we ended up affirming each other we are both happy with our families now.   It's all water under the bridge. Now we realize how difficult long distance love affair was, back then.  I even joked how I wish there are already celfones back then.

Now we remain as good friends. We always text each other.  You even confided to me how you fell in love with another man--an old flame--and how how you almost ran away with him, and how unhappy you were with your husband.  Did it pinch me?  I must admit it--yes.  But always the gentleman that I am, I gave you advise.  I told you to find your worth as a person and find happiness within you.  And I am just glad you did. 

But I would be a hypocrite if I did not even wish that I were that man you fell in love again.

Be that as it may, meeting you again was an opportunity to close a chapter in my life--my breakup with you a long time ago. 

But, the big question now is, "Have I?"