Mr. G's Spot

Parting ways as friends had both the positive and negative side of it. It is positive in the sense that you still get to see each other, call each other, and still be sweet to each other. On the down side, you fall into a trap of misinterpreting your proximity—emotionally or physically—still believing that there is still a chance for you to continue a relationship that you have just ended. From February to March, I was practically out-of-town, thus I had no problems communicating to him and vowed that we would continue to see each other whenever we get the chance. I was “free” to do anything I wanted and not be bothered being caught talking intimately with someone over the phone for more than one hour. We discussed anything under the sun—my prospects for dates, suitors (smile!), American Idol , PBB (which I watched because of him.), his crushes, and other stuff. Ironically, it was the time that I was beginning to know more about him, and him about me when we were no longer committed

TWO OR THREE MONTHS after our meeting, we caught each other online. We exchanged words until we told each other how we missed each other. Whether or not he was true to his feelings is least important to me, but I did really miss him. “If you were to sing a song for me, what would it be?” I asked. “’Till I Met You” (by Kuh Ledesma), he replied. Since then, the song, which happens to be one of my favorites, kept playing in my mind. However, the mere thought that I was committed to someone else while he was showing some affection to me was always a painful truth. Laging may kurot sa dibdib. There was no other recourse but to resign to my fate.

THE NEXT MONTHS after my previous article “Unfinished Business,” I was glued to my new job. I was new at my work and many adjustments had to be done. Writing , therefore, was out of the question. Maybe, also because I had nothing to share about my gay life. I was practically in hibernation--temporarily succumbing to “homosexual celibacy” after nearly a month that I wrote “Unfinished Business.” Sometime in January this year, I mentioned that I am coming back because I mentioned I had a very interesting story to share. Then, I chickened out. Rather, I lost the zest to put my feelings and thoughts into words. My mind was simply muddled up with work pressures and the intermittent emotional attacks that were plaguing me. I guess temporary depression held me. Again, I was holding on to something I could not let go. I was engrossed with nurturing a feeling that I realized was slowly creeping in and eating my entire being. This is “untitled” because I simply could not figure out how I sho

Image via Wikipedia As I was boarding and walking down the isle of the plane going to Davao, I saw a familiar guy smiling at me. I was surprised myself because I realized he was that cute steward brushing his teeth inside the airport men’s room. I would not forget his face because he looked like Piolo Pascual, sans the gelled brushed up or rather greasy hair. While inside the men’s room, I looked at his reflection at the mirror and noticed him looking at me too. Realizing my discomfort admiring his handsome face, I turned away and immediately went out, as if I noticed him as only one of the guys. So, I smiled back out of courtesy. “I think you are familiar to me!” he said still smiling. “Yeah, I saw you awhile ago inside the men’s room, brushing your teeth,” I gladly replied. “Are you from Davao?” “No. I’m just going there on a business trip.” “Do you have a business?” “I have a company meeting there.” “I see,” he nodded. “Excuse me I have to assist some passengers.”

Note: Last July 26, 2005, I wrote this article in my hotel room somewhere in Mindanao . I had nothing to do since I was booked at the hotel far from the downtown, so I thought that jotting my thoughts would be more productive than going out and go malling. I also thought that, finally, I have to break my silence from this group and contribute to sharing of thoughts and feelings , which this group is meant to be. Moreover, I deem that this is a very good prelude to my next article. I was so annoyed (or have become so mad, rather) by the fact that I could not continue writing my next story! The laptop which I have been using needed some repair and I have to transfer all the documents I have stored in it, including my story: “Ang Lalaki sa Balon ”. It would have been a very good story to share. The diskette where I stored my article screwed up. Who would not get mad? I was about to end the story! I mulled over the thought of rewriting it but I just do not have the energy to do it all