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2.16.2005

“Going in circles”….

Call it a rarity but it happened to me. Call it serendipity but its true and I am not kidding.

For a time, I have indulged myself in dating guys I met in the net. I don’t know the reason, but I seem to have come to a point that I felt so tired of my old ways. I realized I needed a break. A break will do, and I don’t really intend to give up the pleasures of meeting for some fun. (Smile.) For breaking the "habit" will entail a lot of effort on my part. (Smile again!) And I just hankered for friendships and enjoying their company. (It’s true! Believe me.).

Who would not love coffee, dinners, and endless talks? They are my aphrodisiac now. It is good to have met some “friends” from the net in flesh because I have reinforced my belief that there is more than having sex left and right and center and back...top or bottom.

Last December, during the Christmas break, I met Mart and Den. Meeting them was a pleasant experience. The conversations were fine and it was nice having known two married men. Mart is a matured guy like me, while Den is a bit younger. Then I met Eman, whom I consider as one of my closest friends from the net, aside from Rob and Mel (Wag kang magseselos, bro!), who preferred anonymity, and just be my cyber friend, and with whom I share my deep admiration for Piolo. (I love you, Piolo!).

For the whole month of January, Eman and I constantly dated at least once a week. We shared common thoughts and perspectives, and at some point, I became his counselor. I helped him boost his self-concept, and have shared some moments of reflection about his search for a partner, talked about our dreams and resolved emotional problems. At one point, I shared about Jason who sent me his picture with his boyfriend and told him how I was hurt in the process, and how I finally overcome my feelings for Jason. I showed him the picture Jason sent, when I noticed his naughty smile. I asked. He disclosed that he used to be a text mate of Jason. Of course, I was surprised! Of all men! Why on earth did I meet a text mate of Jason! Although, I am not really surprised, because Jason is also a friendly guy, but the fact that meeting someone who knows Jason is a different experience.

We mused at the fact that what a small world we got! Then I begin to answer some nagging questions that are filling up my mind. Is there any reason why we met at this time? At this place? In this kind of circumstance? And I recalled that the reason why we had some bonding right from the start is the fact that I have been to his hometown, that we both share the passion for cooking and eating, aside from the fact that both of us write. In our conversations, we have unleashed another surprising revelation. Although he already told me that he studied in Baguio, I was more surprised to know that he had been at the house of his classmate, which happened to be my client’s when I was still working there. How could I forget that house because it was so beautiful and how I dreamt of having a house that looks like a modern log cabin, which rested on top of a hill, and surrounded by anthuriums, roses, and pine trees! Small world, indeed! Or is it just mere coincidence?

Last week, I had the chance to meet another guy who is turning 30 this year. Fil had been my chat-mate for a while. We have always planned to meet but our schedules did not match. Finally, we had a common time and we agreed to meet. He is such a nice and cute guy that you could fall in love with him. Honestly, I had a crush on him. As we talked about our lives, it came to a point when we shared our romances. Believe it or not, he happens to know my ex, Jim (Jim and I did not last, by the way.), who, at one point, courted Fil. Small world, really! We had a hearty laugh after. And here’s the catch, he happens to have friends who fought over Eman! I could not believe it myself.

It is such a small world! And I think, the loop has ended.

With what is happening to me, I realized I am still looking for some answers. One time, I met Mike in one of the coffee shops in Shang. He happens to know the guy I know. He told me that studies showed that we are only 6 persons, apart. (Right, Javert?) I begin to believe that. In one way or another, we will meet people who happen to know people we know or who happen to be related to one another. Personally, I am a believer of celestial forces. We meet people not because they are accidental. They have a purpose in our lives.

Reflecting on what has been happening to me, I realize their purpose in my gay life.

With Jason, I have learned how to love and let go of my feelings, yet be careful enough that you always keep your feet on the ground.

With Rob, Eman and Mel, I have learned that friendships in the net do exist, and giving it a chance would entail openness to possibilities, as well as trust and confidence. Whether or not this would last, is just a matter of fate and time.

With Mart, I have never seen him since then. Well, people come and go. They pass by your lane and try to peep what is going on. If they were interested, they would linger. If not, I still thank them because it is nice to know someone like me, who is always in hiding.

With Fil, it is nice to know someone lovable like him, and wish you would always cuddle him forever.

With Jim, loving is letting go, so we could move on with our lives.
And meeting Den would always be a special one for me.

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