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Dear Pututoy

May kaisa-isa akong "fan mail" (fan mail daw o! LOL), at eto ang sinabi nya:

"hi po Mr. G, yan po bang mga post mo ay pawang totoo o mga kathang isip nyo lang, di ko kase maiwasan na mag-isip na totoo nga siguro mga sinasabi nyo, lalot sabi nyong may asawa kayo, tapos me iba din kayong kalakaran hehe... di ba alam ni misi o madali lng bang iatago? nakiki-usyoso lng po, naiintriga po kase ako sa maintrigang buhay nyo hehehe"
Tawagin natin syang "Pututoy". Yan kasi ang tawag ko sa mga bata.  Hehehe.  No offense meant kay letter sender "Pututoy".

Dear Pututoy:


Ang aking mga post ay pawang katotohanan lamang. Makakaasa ka na lahat ng sinasabi ko sa blog na ito ay mula sa aking makulay na buhay.  Subali't datapwa't minabuti kong palitan ang mga pangalan ng tao, at itago ang mga lugar kung saan naganap ang mga kababaglaghang pinaggagagawa ko sa buhay ko!  Mahirap na.  Baka may makabasa na taong na-meet ko na.  


Oo, totoong may asawa at anak na ako.  Alam kong marami ang nagtataasan ng kanilang mga tinirintas na kilay na nakababasa ng blog na ito.  Sana matanggap nila ako bilang ako.  Mahirap ang kalagayan ng isang tulad ko.  Pero hindi rin naman ako nag-iisa.  Madami kaming nagtatago sa aparador.  Alam mo na kung bakit. 


Nung sumulat sa akin si Badong, gusto ko din syang sulatan tungkol sa aking sitwasyon.  Pero, hindi dahil natatakot ako.  Mas minabuti kong itago sa kanya ang lahat.  Sabi nga, there are things that are better kept unsaid.  Alam kong may hinala na din sya sa akin.  I do not need to confirm. He knows. It takes one to know one.


Sinisikap kong huwag nang ma-involved emotionally, or even sexually.  I have come to a point na nagsawa na din ako.  For more than 2 years, I have kept myself away from the opportunities for possible encounters.  But there are times that I hanker for a man's embrace.  I cannot deny that.  

I would say I have opened my doors and windows again for possibilities.  But the anxieties are still there.  Like what I said in my previous blog entry, parang hindi na ako sanay sa kalakaran.  

At this point, I am content with just blogging and sharing my experiences online. I do chat.  I have textmates. But I do not know what it will lead me.  I have fuck buddies who have become my friends. And it is like an incest already if I have sex with them.  (Got my point?).  

I am not getting any younger.  Having sex here and there does not seem to augur well with my age anymore.  I am past partying and joining orgies (shocked ka? Hehehehe.).  I am at the point in my life when friendships counts more than having sex.  


Nga pala, hindi mahirap magtago.  Minsan nararamdaman ko, may hinala.  But I try my best not to give any chance na mabisto ako.  And I do not give her any reason na magduda. Trabaho, uwi, gawin ang dapat gawin sa bahay gaya ng paglalaba at pagluluto.  Pero minsan, lumalabas ang creativity kung paano makalusot.  At higit sa lahat, no more texting beyond 10PM.

Sana nasagot ko ang tanong mo...


Nagmamahal,


Mr. G

Comments

  1. glad i found your blog mr. g. it shows another path that we could/could've taken.

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  2. same with ading Sean. i'm glad nakita ko ang blog mo. :)

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  3. Sean, it is my pleasure to shed light on the life of bisexuals like me. I hope I can, in one way or another, be able to reach out to others like me...thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  4. i had an ex who's married for 14 years and his wife doesnt know about it... grabe galing magtago ng secret...he became the love of my life. uber baliw ako dun sa lokong un dati...bakit ba kasi mai ibang kamandag ang married guys...lol

    ReplyDelete
  5. @japaneseadobo, sabi nga nila. may "something" sa mga married men. hehe

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow, buti ka pa ha, my fan. Atleast, at tsaka tila totoo yung asknya sayo.. hehehehe.. Cool :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. HI Tim! Thanks for dropping by. Yes. totoo yung email nya...:-D

    ReplyDelete

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